June Meeting at John's

Lots of excuses today only seven of us. Joan won with five votes and Jenny had two.


She had Taken

Vera Bench was sat in her kitchen and thought how pleased she was that the days had gone by so quick. She still shuddered when she thought of the risk she had taken two weeks ago. The saga began when she and her best friend June met up with some old school chums they had not seen for ages. They were all sat enjoying their food and drink when Lucy one of the crowd and the youngest at 65  asked what everyone had been doing. Vera could not believe the things the others had done for different charities Jean sky diving Ruth scuba diving Lucy free fall Mary had even gone down in a cage to feed the Sharks. They made her and June feel very inadequate as they had only run the Race for Life. There was a moments silence and then June announced what I was going to do in a few weeks. I should have said then that she was kidding but I fell into her trap once again. I should have said straightaway  that she could risk her life if she wanted to but not me but of course the moment passed. I could not believe that I would actually do it I remembered that I checked my will and made arrangements with my daughter to take care of Masie my dog  if any thing happened of course she said "mother you are being stupid if you are that afraid cancel". I must admit I thought about it but then I saw all the sponsorship money people said they would give and I gave in. The day finally arrived and we made our way to the meeting place there were ten of us. As the instructor put on the straps and safety harness and told us all what to do It finally hit me what I was about to do. Yes,I was about to do a Bungie jump which meant hurling myself of this bridge, me who's afraid to climb a ladder. As I stood on the platform saying a last minute pray the instructor asked if I had removed everything out of my pockets as I had to dive of the stand not jump. My heart was beating so fast I felt as though I was going to pass out so very quickly I closed my eyes and dived into the abyss. As I let out one all mighty scream and opened my eyes I saw to my horror my false teeth falling to the canyon floor. Yes I had not removed them. That's why two weeks later I am still having soup and soft food waiting for my new dentures. Would I do it again yes I tell my friends when Nelson gets his other eye back.


"Just loosen" next month's words

June at Jack and Joan's

June meeting

Despite winning last time I again got most votes mainly because my story made them laugh.

Up to much

Reminds me of him and him Ronnie Corbett and Ronnie Barker

I can picture the two of them leaning on a five bar gate overlooking a lush green field dotted with browsing cows. Ronnie Barker with a straw in his mouth both dressed in rustic clothing of a bygone era. They are talking about Rodney a friend of Ronnie Corbett nicknamed dribble. Dribble was campaigning the local community for support in his attempt to get elected as local parish councillor.

Barker was looking at a leaflet published by Dribble pinned to the gate.

He tapped the photo of dribble with the straw and asked Corbett.

Is he up to much?

What do you mean up to much.

Well you know up to much like he'll never be a school monitor if he isn't up to much.

School monitor you're going back a bit aren't you. You telling me you had school monitors in your school.

We had a milk monitor.

What did he do then.

He monitored the milk of course what do you think he did. No TV monitor them days. He came round with the milk and gave us a half a pint bottle each with a straw. Except Johnny Green cause he had a version.

Version what's that then

You know a version when you don't like something cause it doesn't like you.

Oh you mean aversion

It's the same thing.

No it ain't a version is when you give your version and somebody else gives there's.

Give there's what?

Their version God Blimey.

They both lapsed into silence looking at the bucolic scenery. Then Ronnie Barker broke the silence.

Is he up to much?

You mean is Dribble up to much?

Course I did, is he?

Yes he's up too much at least the missus thinks so.

Why's that then?

Last night when I said to the misses are you up to it she said no as Dribble had came round the night before when I was bringing the cows home.

When was that then.

Late,

How late?

Twelve, I had to rescue daisy bell from the ditch when she tried to get into the next field.

Why did Daisy Bell want to go into the next field then.

Because of Arthur.

Arthur?

Arthur the bull.

Why did your missus say dribble was up to much.

She didn't.

You said she did.

No I said she said he is up too much.

Does he still dribble?

Dunno I'll ask the Missus.

Next month  "She had taken"

April at Pat & Brian's

My story, all true, won this time. Four votes.

In this country

In this country? Which one though?  England perhaps as in my case it's the only one I know apart from my sally into Wales many years ago when I was about twelve. If it is Wales then in this country my first and second impression was not very good. The first visit in 1946 came about when a friend of our family lets call him Tom, took his family there by train to visit his wife’s relatives in Cardiff Don't know why but my parents agreed I could go with them although I don't remember wanting to go. Perhaps they wanted me to go and with luck not come back, who knows.

Again I can't understand why no one knew what the sleeping arrangements would be. As there was no room in the proverbial Inn. I had to go into a neighbouring house and share a bed with a man I had never met. Could that happen 2016 without an uproar but the night passed without me being molested as far as I remember. On the second day I didn't feel that wonderful and when we went out together that is Tom, his wife and their two girls by bus, the conductor, they had them in those days, peered at me I think he said, You're covered in spots, as his accent was as clear as BT Indian help line. Indeed I was covered in spots, subsequently I was told it was the water. Not sure I believe it.

All in all it wasn't a very good holiday. It didn't end that well either A train journey back nobody had cars then and a walk home I found the house locked up. My brother was outside and seeing me he said Mum is next door with Mrs Turner I'll tell her. He left me standing outside with the suitcase while he climbed over the wall separating the two gardens and disappeared inside.

I waited and waited and waited thinking they don't care if I'm back or not and it seemed a very long time when from around the front of the house mum appeared having only just been told that I was home. My dear brother forgot to tell her.

The second bad time was when we took a short break to that bleak cottage with the axe in the outhouse that had rusty stains on the blade that and the constant rain we made the short break even shorter. I've just remembered it was three times not twice when I ventured into this rain swept country

The third time was much better it was when we took our son to St Donat's a medieval castle in the Vale of Glamorgan, overlooking the Bristol Channel. Now an international secondary school called Atlantic College. He wasn't going there to take a baccalaureate but to enjoy the experience for two weeks. The facilities available for those privileged to go there for their education in those glorious settings gave me an impression of something out of this world. It was actually bathed in sunshine too. Maybe Wales isn't so bad after all.

Next month "up to much"

Pat wrote the winning story

Have to be

We were on our way to the airport, and the traffic was stop-go especially on the M25. Where are they all going I wondered, we have to be there by 10 am. At last we arrived at Heathrow. KEEP LEFT for TERMINAL 4 the sign flashed at us. “get over” we chorused. “if you want to drive, take over” our father shouted back. There was silence until we found the correct long term parking. “Now let's all remember where we have parked the car”, he cautioned. We each took our luggage and went down in the crowded lift. What a to do. We all flopped into the only available seats as there was 30 minutes to wait till check in. It was rather exciting watching other travellers staring up at the signs bumping into each other.

The tannoy kept blaring incomprehensible information. What did it say? We were sipping our airport tea when a smartly dressed young man asked our father to watch his suitcase for a while. Of course we would, and off he went. Shortly after there was another announcement that we could actually hear “ DO NOT LEAVE YOUR BAGS UNATTENDED OR THEY MAY BE DESTROYED”. Now this was in the 80's when the Irish were intent on blowing things up. All eyes flew to the suitcase, then to our father. “is it ticking”? My brother asked. No one laughed.As time went on we became more paranoid. Then it was time for us to check in and as we began to gather our belongings the young man reappeared smiling and thanking us for being so kind. We all breathed a sigh of relief and joined the long queue, shuffling our bags along.

Then I spotted him. A gentleman wearing long robes ahead of us. “ he has no luggage” I whispered to my father in a nervous voice. We all watched him as he inched closer to the desk. He boldly walked up and chatted to the attendant, who then directed him to another check in. He had been in the wrong queue all along! Phew!

Finding our seats on the plane, I found myself in between my brother, who had the window seat and a young man. As we taxied out of the airport onto the runway, the engines began to race, I noticed the young man gripping the arms, and stealing a furtive look at his face, noticed beads of perspiration on his forehead. Panic and suspicion was setting in again and I was gripping the armrest too. We took off and he glanced at me “J sis defray” in French (pardon my spelling) then ,in English, “its my first flight” he said with a lovely smile. Mental not to self, stop being suspicious of strangers.

February's story at John's

Unusual, Rosemary got four votes but didn't win as I trumped that with seven.
Why did I think of Len Goodman then?
"Have to be" next month on the 4th April Chez nous.

Her head

It's isn't just tables and chairs that have feelings and can talk. Sweets can as well – don't scoff - no pun intended. At least Cadbury's milk tray chocolates are able to as I've heard them. I admit it was Christmas and the wine was flowing but I'm sure I heard their whispered conversation. It was in the 50s while I was attending a family party and after a good feast I went into the front room to have a rest from the merriment. I had been sitting there for only ten minutes in a comfortable high back armchair when believe it or not I heard these tiny voices coming from a chocolate box with individual chocolates arguing amongst themselves and from the tone of the raised voices you could conjure up the different varieties that were talking. I gathered from their excited chatter that it was on how they were rated as chocolates an argument that started from the time they were made to share apartments. It was the chocolate Raspberry Heaven - A fruity burst of raspberry encased in delicious milk chocolate protesting that it was NOT the least liked of all of them. It argued that some times it was the first out of the box. The Hazelnut Swirl - A whole roasted hazelnut set in a heavenly praline tossed her head sending hazelnut fragments flying in all directions. What rubbish. Careful you know we might be eaten by someone with an allergy to nuts censored Dreamy Fudge - Soft, creamy fudge enveloped in a dark chocolate coating

Coffee Crescent - A sweet coffee centre wrapped in rich milk chocolate joined in by addressing Raspberry Heaven - A fruity burst of raspberry encased in delicious milk chocolate You know you only only get picked first when some little girl has the first choice they pick you because you are pink inside, girls love all things pink. Rasberry Heaven infuriated beyond belief rose indignantly almost jumping out of the box. What! You know it's nearly always your fate to be the last one out. You're only here because of political correctness.

Racist retorted Coffee Crescent.

Almond Crunch - Finely chopped almonds immersed in a truffle filling and wrapped in rich milk chocolate warned Quiet I'm sure some one is listening.

It was at that point I ceased looking at the box as I was beginning to think it might be the drink making me delirious. The sound of the party increased as the door opened and Pauline my niece came into the room and seeing the box on the table made a beeline for it. Tearing of the cellophane she plucked the chocolate Raspberry Heaven from the box. I heard the The Hazelnut Swirl - A whole roasted hazelnut set in a heavenly praline triumphantly call out I told you so. Pauline looked at me reluctantly offering the box but fearing for my sanity I muttered no thanks and hurriedly left the room to rejoin the party it was time to have another drink.

January's meeting at Sue's

Pat had won with 4 votes

PIECE

In the furniture charity shop stood a beautiful old sideboard, ignored by most shoppers as it was rather large for these modern houses. Then, one day the young strong volunteers began moving things around and in came a lovely shining table, "hello" the sideboard said, and where have you come from?" The table sniffed quietly and replied " I have been thrown out". No one wants me.

After a while the table told his story. Many years ago I was loved and polished, standing proudly, always with a vase of fresh flowers in the centre. My very favourite day was Christmas. Eleanor and her husband and two children sat down to a wonderful meal with all the trimmings. This went on for a few years until the children brought home partners...then the spare leaf was inserted so that they could all sit down together. Some time later, the two couples came with their offspring,look at the lights look at the fairy, so my 2^nd leaf was inserted. I was so excited, being the centre of attention. A few more children arrived during the following years until one day, Eleanor said that things had to change. No more leaves! Or chairs, or space! After that,the two young couples began their own traditions, texting each other " who is going to have them this Christmas?"The parents sitting at home waiting to be invited. One year there was just the two of them eating on their laps watching the TV. The table looked at them sorrowfully, not being needed any more. Sniff sniff.

Sadly, Grandad passed on and things became too much for Eleanor, so she sold up and moved into a smaller house." I was given one more polish before coming here. " One day a young couple wandered in the shop with a child in tow. Look, look she exclaimed to her husband, this is the piece of furniture I would like". We have enough room, and what with the twins on the way this will serve us forever. He ran his hand over the shiny surface, its been well cared for, he thought, and then he spotted the two spare leaves on runners under the table. Perfect for Christmas he thought. The table sighed happily and watched, as the husband examined the sideboard. Will both pieces fit? Out came the tape measure...Merry Christmas everyone. From the table.

November's story

Sue got the most votes scoring three.

Next meeting is in January and the word is "piece"

'Futile' 

It's futile.  I have been round and round trying to find a way out, but I am getting so tired now and it's pitch black.  Even if I close my eyes for a few seconds, then open them again, I can't see any difference.  I sag against the nearest wall, then sink down in a heap, completely spent, thinking, "I'll just rest here for a few minutes before I start again."

Behind my closed eyes I relive the beginning of this nightmare.  We'd been driving to a remote cottage in the Scottish Highlands, where we were looking forward to doing some walking in the rugged countryside.  The weather was pretty awful, with heavy rain and a sort of twilight all day.  James had just said to Isla that we should be there soon when he gave a shout and Isla screamed once, before the car was veering crazily across the road, then tipping sideways and starting to career madly down the steep hillside.  There was a grinding crash and we tipped over even further so suddenly that my door flew open and I was catapulted out and continued to roll and bounce down the crag side.  I saw a stunted fir tree right in my path and tried to avoid it, evidently unsuccessfully, as the next thing I knew was opening my eyes and seeing nothing below me.  I was wedged into a fork at the base of the tree with my head hanging over the void.

I stayed like that for a few minutes to get my bearings and check how I felt.  Apart from being battered and bruised, I felt okay, so looked cautiously around.  I was on a narrow ledge with a solid rock wall at its back.  The ledge seemed just wide enough to accommodate the tree, then petered out to nothing.  I wriggled around until I could get myself out of the tree, then carefully backed towards the solid rock and looked up.  It soared away above me until it met the sky, so there was no hope of climbing up that way.

As I sat there, I noticed there was a scrubby bush at the base of the tree.  I idly pulled at it and realised it was concealing a low cave entrance.   "Well," I thought, "This looks like the only way to go, and besides, at least it will be dry and a bit warmer in there."

 I had sat in the small cave and pondered for a while, getting myself pulled together, then decided to see if there was another way out.  At first it had seemed very promising, as there was a narrow passage leading back into the hillside.  I followed this slowly, bumping against the walls, as I couldn't see where I was going.  It felt very damp and smelled of small creatures which had sheltered in it before me.  Then suddenly there was nothing either side of me and I realised I must be in another cave.  

So here I am, having followed the walls blindly for I don't know how long, always coming back to the passage I had come down, recognisable by the lump of rock at its entrance which I kept falling over.

I must have slept because I suddenly jerk my head up and think, "I'll just go round once more, then go back the way I came."  I must be going even closer to the wall this time, because I find a small slit in its surface and eagerly investigate.  Is it wide enough to slide through?  I try putting my head to the gap - not a chance.  But I persevere and bend lower.  Yes, it's wider here, and I stick my head through, then squirm first my shoulders, then my body, after it.  I hope I don't get stuck.

I find the new space is a little larger and seems to go even further back into the hillside.  It begins to slope more steeply downwards as I creep along.  Soon I am having trouble keeping up with my feet and lose my balance, sliding down the steep slope until the ground disappears altogether.  "Help," I scream in my head as I tumble on, then splash into icy cold water which closes over my head before I claw my way back to the surface.

I soon realise I am being borne along on a rushing torrent and before I can gather my wits, whoosh, I am catapulted out into the dim daylight again and find myself in a pool at the base of the hillside.

I drag myself to the bank and lay gasping for several minutes.  Then I become dimly aware of noise, people calling my name, so I drag myself up and stagger towards the sounds, realising at the same time that it is James and Isla calling.  Then they spot me trying to run towards them and cry out in relief, "Oh, Scotty, there you are.  Good boy, we wondered if we'd ever see you again when you were thrown out of the car and lost your leash".