August at Pat's

Ann got most votes.
Next month "Announced." at Joan's.

Thudding

Luke groaned when the phone started ringing and muttered to himself, “Why does it always ring just as I am about to sit down for a quiet evening? I suppose it’s because everyone knows that I will probably be in at this time”. Reaching over, he picked up the phone,

“Hello”

“Hi Luke”, answered his sister Jess. “Do you still have Doris?”

“Umm, yes, but what is this all about and yes I am well in case you were going to ask”.

“Sorry dearest brother! Well I was wondering if I could borrow her for one of our props at our next production in a couple of weeks time.”

“I’ll have to find her first. I think she is up in the loft tucked away safely in a box. I am away for a couple of days this week, but if I can find her I could bring her down to you at the weekend and you can feed me as a Thank You”.

“That you would be great and thanks so much. I look forward to seeing you again”.

Having located Doris and packed her safely into the boot of the car, he went back into the house to check everything was locked up and turned off before returning to get in the car, but the car had gone.

“Shit”, he thought. “I left the keys in the car. What a plonker. I suppose I’d better phone the police and report it stolen. At least it’s got a tracking device fitted so that may help, but how am I going to explain Doris?”

The police notified the traffic cops and before he knew it he had another policeman knocking on the door to take more details. Wondering how they had managed to find at least two, possibly three policemen to deal with his complaint when he had heard of others who had just been given a crime number and nothing else, he answered the door. He went over the details he had given to the officer over the phone and then went on to explain about the box in the boot of the car and it’s contents.

“It was a relic from my student days. We all tried to outdo one another with bizarre items and Doris was mine. I was about to deliver it to my sister in Somerset for her drama group production next week. You can check if you want to”.

The officer said there was no need, but it could prove to be quite amusing when the joy riders were apprehended and it would appear that they had been located.

The two lads were kicking around looking for something to do when they noticed the car in the drive with the driver door open and the keys in the ignition. They turned to each other, gave a high five and quickly got in and drove off. A trip down to the beach seemed like a good idea and after getting out of town, the driver put his foot down and they were off. It wasn’t long before they saw the blue flashing lights fast approaching. Now the chase was on. Screaming round round-abouts, taking corners almost on two wheels and risking life and limb as they jumped red lights, they were hotly pursued. After a while there was a slight thudding in the back of the car that increased as they sped along. Out into the country and down the narrow lanes, the chase continued with the siren blaring and the lights flashing. Seeing a small pull-in next to a field gate the driver slammed on the brakes and the car came to a halt with a jolt. Not stopping, they were out of the car and off across the field with the police close on their tails. Their layabout lifestyle showed as they were very quickly rounded up and marched back to the parked cars. After asking their names and getting no reply, except shrugs, the police went to the back of the car and opened the boot. Looking in, the policeman said, “Now I can see why you were in such a hurry lads. Were you on the way to the cemetery or had you just come from it?”

Wondering what on earth he was on about they went to look in the boot and had the shock of their lives.

“Christ”, said one as the other exclaimed, “Bloody hell”.

Spilling from the broken box she had been in, Doris the skeleton gazed up at them.

July

Nine of us today in Leaside on a very hot day set to break records for heat.
Three people had 2 votes each Sheila, Joan R and Rosemary.

Rosemary's story
THE WAY IN

The music of the fairground rides reached their ears long before they reached the street where the fair came for three days at the beginning of each September.  Always, children hoped, before school began again, as Ellen well remembered from her own schooldays.

"Come on, Nan!" Davy said, tugging on Ellen's hand, as they made their way through the crowds making for the fair.  "Can we go on EVERY ride, Nan?" asked Joanna, tugging on Ellen's other hand.  "We'll see," Ellen replied, remembering it was always her own mother's answer when she was a child and asked for something special.

As they made their way through the crowds Ellen began reminiscing about the very first time she'd come to this fair, shortly after the end of the Second World War.  One of the first stalls had puzzled her with its wares, as she looked at the various fruits she'd never seen before.  Yes, she'd shared a banana that her friend's Dad had brought home - a third each between Linda, Pat and herself.  Yes, she'd enjoyed that, but whatever was this sort of FLUFFY round thing?  "IT'S A PEACH," her Mum had explained, and bought one for her to try.   She hadn't liked the furry skin but the flesh inside was absolutely delicious and she'd never forgotten that very first one at the fair.

All the usual rides were there and Ellen enjoyed watching her two grandchildren enjoying the rides, and hoping to bag a coconut or other prize on the many different stalls.  Suddenly Davy spotted the Ghost Train and wanted to spend some of his remaining pocket money on that scary ride.  He looked at his sister and said, "You'd better not come with me.   It's FAR too scary for GIRLS!"  But Joanna wasn't going to let him get away with that.  So both children and their Nan looked for the way in and settled down for a scary ride.  As they swung round corners with spooky skeletons or even spookier noises making Joanna cling onto her Nan, and even the bold Davy feeling a shudder down his spine from time to time, Ellen remembered the first time she and her friends had ridden the Ghost Train, determined to be brave, yet longing for the ride to come to an end, so that they could get out at last.  It seemed to go on for ever and it seemed they might NEVER get out again.

"A bit like the many twists and turns on the journey towards BREXIT," thought Ellen and wondered whether the powers that be would EVER find the EXIT door or not.  A bit scary, just like the Ghost Train!

Sheila's story

Julie was not keen on horse riding, but as her dad was one of the trainers at the local stables, she really grew up with it all.  Besides training the more serious and experienced riders they also encouraged them to enter the local gymkhana every year.  It was good fun and lovely to see the little hopefuls riding the ponies in their races.  Each race had a points system and at the end of the day the children who came 1^st, 2^nd and 3^rd had big rosettes in different colours, and all the rest had smaller rosettes with a “Well Done” in the canter, which made them feel good after all their hard work.  As Julie became a young teenager she started wanting a Saturday and holiday job, so working at the stables was the natural choice.  She started “mucking-out”, which, I suppose is the way all of them started.  Later on she was taught how to groom the horses.  She loved doing this and as she progressed and proved to the stable owner that she was quite competent she was put in sole charge of two horses to feed and groom.  

It was Julie’s job also to get them both ready for the people that wanted riding lessons.  People came and went,  some decided it was not for them, some lasted a few lessons and some stuck at it and became quite good riders.  A few wanted to go into the gymkhana each year.  The more serious riders had been taught how to do the jumping of the low fencing, which was spaced round the arena, while the others ran the races.  

No points system like the juniors, so even the ones that didn,t come first, they all had fun and at the end of the day they had all enjoyed themselves.  Tired out, but happy.  One of the more serious ones, Joe, was not very tall and quite slim in build and wanted to carry on riding after the lessons had finished, so he spoke to the stable owner, who suggested to him that he could work at the stables and train as a jockey – what did he think?  Well, he was overjoyed and soon settled into the routine of the stables. 

He was allocated a race horse – called Beauty and he was a quick learner at knowing when to urge her on and when to rein her in and all the other things you have to do in a race.  Beauty responded to Joe in all the commands and they very soon became a good team.  The stable owner was so pleased at the way things were going that he suggested that when the next racing season started he would like to enter Joe and Beauty into the novice race.  For the next few months they trained hard and Julie was busy grooming Beauty two or three times a day.  The excitement grew the nearer the racing season became, then very soon the big day came.  Julie was asked to go with them to the racecourse to see to Beauty, which she was thrilled to do.  She had just got back to the horsebox after walking Beauty round the paddock when Joe arrived, wearing the jockey outfit in the stable colours of black and green, and looking a bit nervous.  “Can you help me?” he said to Julie, “I have been told to get weighed, but I don’t know where to go”.  “Oh!” said Julie,”You want the WAY IN to the weigh-in room”.  She laughed and said, “I have been wanting to say that for ages”.  Joe laughed and Julie said, “No problem, follow me”. 

Sue entertained us today and we all enjoyed Rosemary's cakes

Eight in attendance Pat had three  votes but Rosemary had four with Sue One.


Below is Rosemary's amusing take on knowing what no is not.


"NO/KNOW"

How do we know that we know what we mean when we say NO?
How do others know that we know what we mean when we say NO?
And how do WE know that others know what THEY mean when they say NO?
NO can be known as so many different things to many different people, so how can we know when NO means NO and how can we know when NO doesn't quite mean NO?

We might say NO to a toddler who reaches out to an open fireplace or an angry-looking dog or cat, because WE know it could be dangerous, but how does the toddler know that we know why we've said NO when they don't know the reasoning behind our NO?

When we become teenagers and begin to know what first love is all about, we don't know how to handle this overwhelming new emotion, so we emphatically know we should say NO, while all the time we know we want to say YES.  But because we know we ought to say NO, we say NO in a half-hearted way.

And when we become parents ourselves we KNOW when to say NO to our own children, don't we?  Yet who knows whether, in a few years' time, saying NO to our children will be known as a sort of politically incorrect HATE CRIME, because saying NO to them will be somehow damaging to their own sense of independence and individuality - even when we know that saying NO is what they need to know to keep them safe.  I believe that some high-ranking educationalists already claim to know that it's wrong and demeaning to ever say NO to their pupils, for teachers no longer know best.  So when children know what they want to do, they should be allowed to do it, even if they know it's wrong - because no-one is allowed to say NO to them, so no-one HAS said NO.

When I was a child my parents very rarely said NO to me.  That doesn't mean I was a spoilt brat!  NO, for whenever an occasion arose when they knew they should either say YES or NO, instead they always said, "WE'LL SEE".  Well, "WE'LL SEE" was no answer to me, so I used to get really fed up, because I knew that "WE'LL SEE" could mean either YES or NO!  So when I asked could I go out after tea to play with Ann?  WE'LL SEE!  Could I please have a penny for sweets?  WE'LL SEE!  And the year when I knew that all I wanted for Christmas was a doll like Linda's, even if it meant all the family helping to pay for it, and it was the only present I had?  WE'LL SEE!

WE'LL SEE - and I just knew it would be NO to that doll - but it wasn't, and I still have that somewhat bedraggled china doll - no hair, no fancy dress and eyes a bit wonky!  Yes, that time my parents' WE'LL SEE turned out to be a YES, not the NO I'd expected.

So, how do we know when NO means NO?  Or how do we know that we are really 'in the know' about something important which we know that no-one else knows?  I don't KNOW - do you?

May meeting in John's

Lovely sunny day meeting at John's with all members present each with a different story to tell.

I was surprised to get most votes as my sci-fi  story is a bit way out.

Next month  "No" at Sue's

No phones

Can any one have two life memories? Before you answer let me tell my story. Am I an an 83 yr old, married man who can remember all the events of this life . My schooling, memories of the second world war. My Family, various employment from retail trade, checking, accountancy and retirement. All the memories were there readily accessible to me. None of that reconciled me with where I am now, lying in a bed with brilliant white linen sheets. In what appeared to be a hospital private room. How did I know it was hospital there was no equipment above the bed no indication but I knew. A huge wall sized window looked out onto a a beautiful garden with glorious colours of Spring flowers bordering paths with ash trees with unfurling new green leaves creating a wonderful canopy. I could smell the freshness of the air.

I looked again and the view changed into a view of a city I had never seen before it was of a futuristic vision of a metropolis. I was stunned I knew Jack had a TV that dominated the room but this was different it was the wall sized holographic screen. I swivelled my head towards the cream coloured door. I knew somebody was coming to see me. I felt his presence I knew his name Dr Frenshaw a portly middle aged mental specialist. He was thinking of myself as I was seeing in my mind's eye his approach. The door opened and he came in, smiling How are you today William he said or did he. There were no words but I was aware that he had asked me. I'm confused I said where am I?

He smiled and then spoke You're in Silver Lake veteran’s hospital. His words were spoken as if coming from a totally deaf person. He apologised Sorry about my speech as it is sometime since I've spoken aloud.

I could see he meant this, strange as it appeared and though he obviously cared for his patient he was equally puzzled and wanted to know what was wrong with me.

I could also tell he knew what I was thinking he believed I was delusional one of the many veterans who were in his care. Am I mad I thought. No he said you've been asleep for many months . The Asiastic powers sprayed a banned hallucinogenic substance that made you forget who you are. The war is now over leaving many like you unable to remember . During all that time your mind has created a life in another time or another dimension.

I didn't believe him what war against Asiatic powers. He smiled you are slowly waking up and as you do you will soon remember who you are. It isn't 2018 it's 3018 He had been holding what appeared to be a mirror look he said direct into my mind who do you see. The refection of the face before me was of a young man. It was trick that wasn't me I thought. It is you this is no trick. He replied

I want a phone I demanded. He looked sad There are no phones William he said. we no longer need them if you think you need to communicate all you have to do is ask and you can send your thoughts direct. It was the drug that changed the synapses in your brain to preventing you but soon it will come back to you.

I closed my eyes I wanted to sleep it was too much to take in. Which was right am I dreaming of the future or is my life I can remember a dream

April 2018 meeting in Joan Read's..

Joan had three votes
Next month NO Phones.

To be held in J and S

Not Disappointed

Mary Cavendish was sat in her kitchen drinking coffee her husband was in the garden as she looked out into the avenue they lived in it was strange and very quiet. They had only been in the house a matter of months before then they lived in a noisy town house but all that changed as did their name in the space of a second it seemed to her she remembered that time as if it was yesterday.

“Ready” Christopher said as he stood up. The day had finally arrived after months of planning and going back over their testimony it was time for them to give evidence. They had been unfortunate to have witnessed a shooting by the leader of a gang known as The Firm he shot a young boy as he was walking home. The accused whose name was Juan Fortez had been in front of a judge many times but this was the first time there had been a witness willing to testify in the other cases they had retracted their statements or simply disappeared. To say they were scared was an understatement they were in fact terrified but they had been promised that once the trial was over they would be given new identities and a new home. 

They were escorted to the court house by an armed guard. Once inside they realised what they were about to do. Christopher’s name was called he stood and stated his name and swore on the bible to tell the truth. All the time he was given his evidence he felt the eyes of the members of the gang that were present on him at last it was over then Mary was called she went through the same experience. 

Then it was an anxious wait whilst the jury reached a verdict. After eight hours they were called back into the court room and they were not Disappointed the judge asked if a verdict had been reached the head juror replied yes and read out guilty of murder in the first degree. There was uproar in the crowd and they were quickly taken from the court back to the hotel. The next day four men arrived with papers, passports, money and credit cards everything they needed to start their new life only one of the men knew where they would be going and if needed in an emergency he could be contacted. 

The next thing they were on a plane and headed for Lincoln. The first weeks were terrible Mary desperately wanted to get in contact with her mother who she had always been very close to but knew she never could for her safety as well as theirs. It was not so bad for Chris as a job in a local timber yard had been found for him and his parents passed away years ago. Also he had joined a youth group for troubled teenagers as a leader an adviser which he enjoyed. As she sat remembering her former life tears started to fall from her eyes and she knew she could not go on and she took the pills one by one until the bottle was empty she then went and laid on the bed. 

When Chris finally came in from the garden and found her he called an ambulance but it was to late. Mary had left a letter saying she was sorry but on the day they witnessed that killing she died as well having to leave everything and everyone she loved and hoped that he would understand when he read the enclosed clipping she had found on the Internet from the local paper where they used to live. It was the notification of her mother’s death and funeral details. He realised then how unhappy she had been and blamed himself as it was him that had agreed they would give evidence. Over the next few weeks he thought many times of joining her but decided that he would spend the rest of his life working with young people and trying to keep them from joining gangs and ending up like the young boy who unknowingly dictated the rest of his life.

March meeting at Pat's

Beautiful Spring day with sunshine and warmth at least in the morning.
hard to chose the best story and of the nine three got two votes so no clear winner first of all id Rosemary's.

Next month - Not disappointed.


Locate
Friends of ours have recently moved from their large detached house into a very nice apartment in a complex for the over-60's and are trying to persuade us to relocate to an empty apartment there. They invited us to tea, showed us around and sang the praises of all the help and care available there when needed, as age creeps up on us.  All very nice - BUT -

BUT how well I remember, only a dozen or so years ago, deciding to relocate from OUR fairly large detached house and garden into our present smallish bungalow.  Oh, the trauma of sorting things out, deciding what to keep and what to discard.  "NO, we can't possibly get rid of THAT," was the cry from both my husband and myself.  "NO, that was my MUM'S/my GRAN'S/my AUNT'S - FAR TOO PRECIOUS - WE SIMPLY MUST KEEP THAT."  And so it went on - until I must confess our little bungalow is awash with unnecessary STUFF - unused tea sets, glassware, pictures, photos and totally UNCOUNTABLE knick-knacks, which adorn, fill and overflow countless cupboards and shelves.  PLUS, of course there are all my BOOKS, which are totally unimportant in HIS eyes, whereas his Aunt's fine bone china tea set is definitely not important in MINE!  "WHAT?  US RELOCATE TO SOMEWHERE SMALLER?  NO WAY!  Why, we can seldom locate what we're looking for right now, among all the STUFF we hang onto for its sentimental value, with the vague hope it may come in handy one day - but probably not for at least 100 years or more!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- My playlet also had 2 votes and to add atmosphere I've included a picture of the two Ronnies Read slowly with a yokel accent.

Locate

The two Ronnies were contemplating the setting sun from their usual wooden seat overlooking the rural countryside. Dressed in white Yokel smocks.

RC chewing a piece of straw said I hear you were busy yesterday.

Who told you that then?

I saw Morgan the butcher this morning, he told me.

He don't miss much that Thomas Morgan

(pause)

What happened then?

Mrs Jones rang me to help her locate a bovine.

Did you find Mrs Jones bovine.

We found Mrs Jones bovine in dippyfoot lake.

Heifer?

Why do you say f… her she always treats me right.

I said heilfer not f… her.

She's a big lass

Thomas Morgan says she's got even bigger the last few months.

Why did he say that then.

Thomas said Jim the carpenter had to call on Mrs Jones. Leg was broken.

Mrs Jones leg was broken?

No Mrs Jones bed.

Mrs Jones has never been the same since Mr Jones had that tragic accident.

A nasty affair.

What was?

The accident Mr Jones falling over in the kitchen with Mrs Jones

Thomas said he was big in cider

Pause for chuckle.

O aye he owned pips cider mill

Mrs Jones liked her cider too.

Do you give her some?

What do you mean do I give her some?

Well you know do you give her some? Did you give her some cider?

Some times, I have given her some.

Did you yesterday.

What give her some? I was too busy looking for Mrs Jones bovine that got lost in Dippyfoot lake.

Did you get it out of Dippyfoot lake.

It was a struggle but yes we got it out of Dippyfoot lake. We pulled it out of Dippyfoot lake with Mrs Jones Austin 7

Steer?

Steer what I don't drive you know I haven't had a car since they rationed it for the Suez crisis.

I said steer, was it a steer?

Yes, Yes it was a steer we pulled out of Dippyfoot lake.

Mrs Jones must have been pleased you got her steer out of Dippyfoot lake.

She was very pleased.

Did you go back with Mrs Jones.

Well she said I should get out of my wet smock - it was on my way home see. How could I say no.

Did you give her some.

I will give her her some, two from last year's apple crop.

Did Jim the carpenter make a good job of mending the bed.

Mrs Jones said he will have to come back tomorrow the other leg has gone now.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sheila's story next

LOCATE .   

'How do I LOCATE the on/off button on this new fandangles thing? Grandma said to her grandson William.  He chuckled, Just put that end  - he pointed  - into that slot and the other into this space  near the handbreak, and it will come on automatically.  Having been brought up by his Grandparents from the age of three and a bit till now at the grown-up age of twenty he felt that he was quite experienced in the use of modern technology to be able to give something back to Grandma in the way of these 'fandangled' new things.  

"Oh my" said Grandma as she watched the little screan come to life.  "So l have to do anything else?". "Just press the screen in the bottom left hand corner and some numbers will come up.  Press the top one and it will tell us the way to Carol's house.  Grandma did this and was quite amazed when things started to happen.  "How does that lady speaking know where Carol lives,does she know her?". 

William patiently answered that, and all the other questions until they had 'arrived at your  designation on the right'. William's Grandfather had died a few weeks ago and in his will he had wanted  his cousin Carol to have a few things that she would remember from their youth. Grandma had not seen Carol for many years but they were soon chatting away as though the years between had disappeared. After a very welcome cup of tea and a slice of homemade cake Carol gave them a tour of her garden.  Quite near the house was a nice looking shed  - no, more like a chalet with a bit of decking in front with two armchair type chairs and a little table.  On entering she saw a sewing and knitting area on one side and a computer on the other surrounded with lots of papers and books.  

Carol explained that she had been trying to trace her family tree.  This intrigued Grandma so Carol showed her how far she had got.  On the way home Grandma asked William to show her how his computer worked because 'if Carol can use one I can  - at least give it a good try'.  William showed her how to set it up and got her to follow his instruçtions.  After a while if began to sink in and Grandma grew more confident.  She was getting quite excited about finding out about her family tree and wondering where it will lead but she also knew that it would take ages  - and ages - and ages . . .

February

Bitterly cold all the way from Russia. Meeting here as Pat suffered a boiler problem
Joan Read got most votes 5 out of the eight of us.

As she pushed the wheelchair which her mother was in Alice Grey let her mind wander back to her childhood. She was now 40 and had never had a lover she had been looking after her mother for twenty years. She remembered what it was like before her father left taking her brother Luke with him. She and Luke used to have great times running through the orchard at the back of the bungalow that they lived in bringing in the cows and looking after the sheep at lambing time from the farm next to them. Then one morning her father told Luke who was ten at the time to pack up his clothes as they were leaving Alice never knew why as they left her father hugged her and said he was sorry but he had to leave. Her mother just said good riddance but for weeks Alice hoped they would come back but she had never heard from them again. Life went on she went to college but before she could go to university her mother had a stroke which left her paralized so Alice became her carer. 

Many times she brought young men home but her mother was always critical vindictive and rude the doctor said it was symptoms of the stroke. But as time went by it became worse and now Alice could do nothing right everything she did her mother complained about Alice was so tired of the twenty four hour care. Social workers said that she should apply for help but her mother screamed that she did not want strangers looking after her. And so it went on day after day. All of a sudden she realised they were back home. After she had settled her mother in her chair she started the meal with her mother wanting something every two minutes her pillow had slipped she needed the paper she had lost her pen then just as Alice was about to serve the meal she decided she needed the bathroom it took a lot of patience not to scream. 

The only time Alice had to her self was when her mother was in bed and she had taken a sleeping pill then she could watch what she wanted on the TV or read her book undisturbed she looked forward to these evenings but they were few and just lately her mother refused to take a pill. After they had finished their food Alice got her mother into bed and then went into the lounge to the computer for weeks now she had been trying to find Luke but so far she had drawn a blank. The next morning she decided to ask her mother if she knew why her father had left she said “ he left to be with another woman who only wanted Luke not you and if I could have had it my way I would have gotten rid of you to” Alice was shocked she could not believe her mother had said that after she had given up her life to look after her. 

The rest of the morning passed in a daze then her mother was insisting they go out for fresh air even though it was raining hard and the wheelchair would be really hard to push. She wanted to go to Crabbs Hill over looking the lake. Alice reached the bottom of the hill and started to push half way up she had to stop her mother said “what’s up are you a weakling like your father” she pushed herself to reach the top and when they were overlooking the lake her mother started to rant about Luke and his father how they were a waste of space and went on to say it was all Alice’s fault. As she was talking Alice felt her hands on the wheelchair and before she knew it she had pushed her hard down the track and into the lake. Later sitting in the hospital being interviewed by the police she cried and said she could not have put the brake on when she went to sit on the seat and when she realised what was happening she could not catch it. There was an investigation and a inquest but everyone said Alice was a devoted daughter and it was ruled a tragic accident. Alice could not believe her luck was she sorry no because now perhaps she could find happiness and start to live.